Reflections: 1/2 way done?!

Wait, Am I really more than 1/2 way done?

Written on 10/26/2015

I've come to a point in my service where when asked if I miss my family, I almost break down in tears, and when asked if I'll miss Mahanoro, I can barely contain the fact that I know I will miss it just as much. Being here is difficult, and leaving is just as heartbreaking.

The difficult part about being a Peace Corps Volunteer is that you integrate yourself into a community, the people around you become your support system and your second family. They know more about you on a basic level then you could've ever imagined. And when you feel like you actually belong in the place you didn't even choose to go, it's time to go home.

I've struggled through learning a second language that, once I leave, I may never use again. I've shared really difficult parts of my life with my counterpart and once I leave, I may never receive her comforting hug again.

People keep telling me I can't forget them, and no matter how often I repeat that there is no way I ever could, the more heartbreaking it is that I'm not sure they believe me! To be honest, I think it breaks my heart even more to think that they might forget me.

But, because my time here is not yet over - I've still got 10 months left - I know I have to keep my sadness about leaving in the back of my mind and use those 10 months the best I can. I want to make my last year of service count. I know that any event I hold or training I do will not make an immediate, life-changing impact, but my community - who has become like a strange second-family - deserves the opportunity for personal growth.

And that's what makes the struggle of being a Peace Corps Volunteer 1000% worth it. Although integrating into a community you know you will eventually leave is difficult, The connection you feel to the people around you and the opportunity you have to provide small, sustainable changes to - hopefully - build capacity and personal growth - is extremely rewarding.

A year ago, I would be questioning my ability to make any impact at all. And now, I realize more and more everyday that I may not be making any grand change, but I am making an impact, a small impact - but it's something. My community is not any different from when I arrived, but small gradual changes are occurring, and maybe I won't see a change at the end of these 10 months. Maybe it will take 10 years for all those small changes to add up to something.

One thing I do know, my time with Peace Corps may have not impacted my community in any drastic way - but it certainly has impacted me in ways words just can't explain.