One Year in Country. I got this.

One Year in Country. I got this.

Written on 6/9/2015

A year ago today my adventure officially started. It was no longer just an idea, a dream, a thing that was about to happen. It was happening. I finished packing my bags and made my way to Philadelphia for staging.

It's been a whirlwind of a year. So much has happened that I can't believe its only been a year.

I'd love to spend my day reminiscing about all the life-changing events that I've experienced living abroad in this beautiful country in this past year, but more than anything, I keep thinking that a year ago today I gave my mother a hug for the last time...

I keep thinking that If I would've known, would I have gotten on that plane? Of course not. I never would've let go. But that wouldn't have been a life worth living. You can't hold on to everything and everyone as tight as possible in the fears that if you leave, if you let go, it might be letting go for the last time.

My mom wouldn't have wanted that for me. Instead, I spent my year making small, beautiful, inspiring changes in my community. And I know that's something she was and would be proud of.

I know this next year will not be easy, if there is anything the last six months without my beautiful mother has taught me, its that the pain that comes with grief never goes away. There will always be times I wish I could talk to my mother, that I reach for my phone to send her a message and remember she isn't there to receive it.

But at the same time, in these past six months, I have exceeded the limits of strength I thought I held. I always knew I was a strong individual, but continuing on with the life I'm living with the hurt I feel, I never would've thought I could do this. And I am doing it. Every day.

It hasn't been easy, of course. I've learned that giving myself time to reflect and be sad has been important, but more importantly, focusing on small goals has been helpful. Sometimes its just as simple of getting out of bed, going to the market, teaching my classes. Focusing on what I'm doing right now, everyday, instead of wondering how I'm possibly going to do this for another year, is helpful. If I can get through today, I can get through a thousand more tomorrows. If I can get through this week, I can get through a hundred more weeks.

And planning for my future has also been therapeutic. It's easy to get caught up in what's going on now but looking to the future and knowing that at some point I'll be reflecting back to this moment is helpful. Right now, I'm studying for the GRE, in the hopes to go to Grad School a year after I return and receive my master's in Public Administration so I can return to development work in a leadership position.

These next few years are not going to be easy. But if this past year has taught me anything, it's that I can do this! Here's to another year, however tough it is, of beautiful Madagascar. Here's to another year (and the many more years to come) of making my mother proud.