Last Sleep at Site

Last Sleep at Site
Wirriten in 08/02/2016

It's my last night sleeping at site. It's been such a whirlwind couple of weeks - a couple of years really- that it took a moment for that to really sink in. 

As I got ready for bed and started finalizing my packing and seeing my near empty house it really hit me. I'm leaving site tomorrow.

And now, laying in bed. I'm remembering all the nights I've slept here. 

Those first few nights at site, when I was terrified of the noises I was hearing and exhausted from all the new things I was trying to learn everyday. Tucking myself into my net night after night felt so awkward at first. Now, it's a part of my routine that I'll feel so exposed without in just a few weeks. 

There are a few specific nights that come to mind. Like the night a huge spider was hanging out at the head board. Or the night I was bit by a baby trambo! The first night my little kitty cat slept in my bed, and the night after he got in a fight  that I though might be his last. The night I woke up realizing I had spent the night with a dead cockroach in my bed. My first night with my fuzzy blanket instead of my sleeping bag. And all the other nights in between - I really made this place into a home. 

All the nights coming home from happy days and being excited for the days to come. The nights staying up late chatting with volunteers who were visiting or passing through. The times I finally crawled into bed after a long successful day. But I can't forget the endless nights this bed supported me through. The oceans of tears my pillow absorbed. The seemingly unbearable truths the covers hid until morning so I could gather the strength in my sleep to concur them. And I will never forget the gallons of sweat lulling me into sleep during the unbearable heat of the summer season. 

It's been a beautiful, tragic, unimaginable adventure here. And my house has really bookended every day. And I'm forever grateful for it  and for everyone who helped make It into a home. 

If every person you've loved builds a house in your heart, than I have a full village from all the people I've had the chance to meet here in Madagascar. 

Goodness, I am going to miss this place. So. So much. 

Update!

What I’ve Been Doing and What’s To Come: An Update.

Written on 5/27/2015

So what I’ve been doing, as anyone who follows my blog would know....is not writing blog posts. My apologies about that. The truth is, after 3 months of going back and forth to Tana and working my bum off, I took some time to just enjoy being at site again and get back into the routine of my every-day life here. And that meant not blogging apparently.

The past month and a half at site have been wonderful, if slightly uneventful. It was great to remember why I’ve come to love my community and a bittersweet reminder of all the people and things I’ll miss about living here. The joyful good mornings and good afternoons from students on the streets and the people who stop me on my walks to see how I’m doing and let me know whats new in their lives. It’s wonderful to be reminded that I’ve become a part of this community over the past two years.

I’ve also been spending some time working on my future goals - as anyone who knows me would attest is a common task for me. I’ve been working on updating and refreshing my resume and writing my personal statement for grad school. Special thanks go out to the people who have already been proofreading them and helping me make edits for improvement. Hopefully all this work pays off in a few months and I get a wonderful job for next year and a admitted into wonderful graduate level programs (...with reduced tuition).

In the months to come, I’ll be wrapping up my service and helping to prepare my replacement and his/her training group for their service. I’ll celebrate my final Malagasy Independence Day with my community and have a few end-of-the-year parties with my school and the center staff. I’ll probably travel a bit and see some places in Madagascar that I’ve been dying to see my whole service but haven’t had the time yet. And at some point in August (date still unknown) I’ll end this chapter and start a new one state-side.

These next few months will surely fly by, and although I’m excited to be home and for the adventures that follow Peace Corps, leaving this wonderful community and beautiful country is going to be difficult.

Zumba Ey!

Zumba Eyyy!

Written on 5/27/2016

Since November, neighboring volunteers have been venturing to the Cultural Center once a month to do a one hour Zumba class. The GLOW (Girls Leading Our World) club always joins in the fun, as well as other members (mostly female) and, occasionally, a few boys.

When I am available to join in the Zumba fun, I always do. Whats better than a work out and learning some new dance moves? And everytime I’ve felt a special atmosphere in the room that I just couldn’t find the words to describe. But the last session, about two weeks ago, I was overcome with words to say - and then I forgot to write them down...until now.

The reason, I believe, these Zumba sessions are so special is because it has become a girl-dominated event. The girls, and women, get the chance to take over a space and fill it with their athletic moves and grooves. They are allowed to be strong, silly, shaking and breaking. Being athletic and breaking a sweat becomes cool.

There aren’t many spaces like this here in Madagascar. Boys dominate the soccer fields and often the basketball courts. It’s hard to find a non-domestic space that's dominated by women. It’s not so much that its not acceptable for women to be athletic - its just that men have more outlets available for athleticism.

But our one-hour-a-month Zumba class is full of athletic women and girls ready to work it. Unknowingly, they are being empowered one dance move at a time. They are taking up space and moving their bodies without any social barriers being put on how they should do so. It’s an inspiring event to be a part of.

I became especially inspired this last Zumba because we had more young girls than in previous Zumba sessions. At first, the little ones were shy to move around and jump and clap and make noise- but not for long. These young girls were watching older women be proud of their bodies and how they are able to move them and song by song, they became proud of their movements as well - and there is something undeniably special about that.

In a world where a woman’s body is too often subject to ridicule and young girls are told to hide their body and to be modest in movement - creating a space to be proud of your body and what it can do is important. And I am proud to be able to say I am able to witness the unleashing of female pride once a month, and so thankful for the volunteers willingness to come to my community and make a space where that is possible!

Operation Smile, Take 2

Operation Smile, Take 2.

Written on 5/27/2015

    While volunteering during the second Operation Smile mission of my service, I was asked by a Operation Smile staff why I returned to do Operation Smile a second time. The answer was obvious, but the words were difficult. Operation Smile was a wonderful part of my service for so many reasons, and here are just a few.

    Smiles - It’s included in the title of the organization and its more than just a clever way to say they do operations on mouth-related abnormalities. As I spent time with the people in Operation Smile, I realized the mission is about so much more than operating on lips and mouths. Its about making health-care less scary and keeping everyone smiling.
   
    When you look around a mission, practically everyone has a smile on their face. And it’s not just because they or their children are receiving a life-altering surgery free-of-charge. Its the happy smiling faces on all the volunteers and staff. It’s the toys and the bubbles and the laughter. Its a organization of people working hard to make sure everyone is happy and safe and healthy.

    It’s also an amazing feeling to see so much change happen in such a short amount of time. In a week, over 100 patients receive surgery - some have two operations at once (a cleft palate and a lip). In seven days - over 100 lives are changed for the better. And that's just counting the life of the patient. The parents of the patients can suddenly breath a little easier knowing their child’s lip or palate are no longer holding them back.

    In the last two missions, I heard countless stories of children who stopped going to school because they were bullied. Or kept being held back because their cleft palate prevented them from speaking well. Or even very young children who weren’t making the developmental marks for their age group because of poor nutrition. With the help of Operation’s Smile dedicated doctors, surgeons, nurses, speech therapists...and all the other people that make the mission possible...these young ones recieve the aid needed to improve their situations - if even just a little bit.

    Mothers with young babies who are still much too small to be put under general anthesthia are taught how to improve the nutrition of their child to increase their weight for the next mission, patients with speech problems spend time with a speech therapist, and all children have access to educational toys and games during the mission.

    But, honestly, the thing that made me come back was the connection that happens when you are part of someones life during that critical week. There is something so uplifting about being thanked by mothers and fathers just for being there and making sure things are going well. Being able to speak Malagasy and translate their needs and do my best to ensure those needs are met was an unbelievably amazing experience.

    I was asked by a few nurses and surgeons if being a part of the Operation Smile’s mission made me want to join the medical field. And my answer was a very strong no. The work that doctors and nurses do, while amazing, is just not something I could do. Watching surgeries and IV changes was cool and all - but the thought of administering any form of health care is slightly terrifying to me.

    HOWEVER, being a part of the Operation Smile’s mission for the second time re-ensured me that I do want to be a part of the International Development field.  Watching all the individuals who committed their careers to changing peoples lives for the better, I was inspired. I have always been passionate about public service (although I first realized this passion could be a career in the past few years), and working with Operation Smile again fueled that flame even more.

Thank you Op Smile :)

How many Americans does it take to change a light bulb?

How many Americans does it take to change a light bulb?

Written on 5/3/2016

So, How many American's does it take to change a light bulb?

.....

.....

.....

....

Just one actually. (Me!)

But it took me about a month to finally get around to doing it.

You see, the light bulb in my kitchen/shower went out a while ago. And instead of going to the hardware store and fixing the bulb, I kept putting it off and using my phone as a light, or a candle, or a Luminaid light.

Each of these techniques had its own unique problems. The Luminaid worked great, until I kept forgetting to charge them in the sunlight. Using my Iphone was problematic when I needed to use both of my hands to cook, and my mouth just doesn't quite hold an Iphone in the right way. And candles are really lovely, but they just don't make enough light and also, as you can probably imagine, I had a tough time showering with a candle at night.

So today, after days of putting "get a new light bulb. Fix light in kitchen" on my to-do list, I finally made my way over to the hardware store. Halfway there, I realized I forgot the French word for light bulb (ampoule) and figured - what the heck, I will say the word for light in Malagasy (jiro) and they will understand.

It worked! And the man showed me the light bulbs they had. It's a small selection really, 6 different types of light bulbs. But anyone who knows me knows that decision making about small things isn't my strong point. So he continues to talk about all the different types of light bulbs trying to get me to just pick one and finally I just say, "you know, I just need to see in my house."

The owner of the store, who is sitting across the room at his desk just starts cracking up and says, "Do you need to see really well or is it okay if its kind of dark?" I said, "Really well!" and he told the man helping me which light bulb to hand over.

Just when I thought the struggle was over...the helper points to the end of two light bulbs, one is a screw-in light bulb, and the other sort of clicks in. He asks which one I need and I say, "I really don't know! I didn't look at that at my house! At this point, the owner of the store is almost falling over in his chair because he is laughing so hard and the guy helping me is trying his best to keep himself together.

After minutes of explaining to me that there are two different types of light bulbs and trying to get me to remember which one I need, I finally get an idea to solve the problem, "Which one do people use most often?  I thought that was a good way to solve the problem, they thought it was hilarious, but still gave me the one they said I probably have, and said I could come back and exchange it if I was wrong.

So. I got the light bulb (it was the right kind!) and I fixed the light. AND I FINALLY crossed that off my to do list.

And I'm sure the owner of the store will tell the joke of the American who didn't know which light bulb to use in her house for the rest of his life.

Peer Support Network update

The past few months have gone by wildly fast. It seems like I just got back from Christmas vacation in America!

The reason the past 3 months have gone by in warp speed has been because I spent then in my most natural state of being busy. I try not to glorify being busy - relaxing and the going v with the characters flow is also important - but I find I'm happiest when I'm occupied with activity! 

What has been keeping me so busy you ask? Well as I mentioned in previous posts, I've been working with another volunteer to bring a positive change to peace corps Madagascar in the form of a Peer Support network. Over these last three months we made big steps forward in making this happen - working with the training staff to increase the inclusivity and allyship to training sessions and creating a larger focus on stress management and mental health as well as emotional well being. 

Most recently, I attended a training with the Regional Mental Health Officer for Peace Corps. We discussed issues with support here in Madagascar and made plans to improve the amount and level of support volunteers receive. This is a project I'm passionate about because I've often felt unsupported in country and I think volunteers could have more successful services if they were emotionally and mentally strong and supported by the staff and their peers. 

The next steps are continuing to improve training and getting started on formalizing a network of volunteers trained to provide support and direct volunteers to the correct staff member of more support is needed. It should be an exciting end of service! 

Vaky bol

Saturday morning I woke up early to go clothes shopping.

Now, as you may have guessed clothes shopping here is a little different. We call it fripping. Plastic-wrapped 2ft-2ft balls of gently used clothes come to Madagascar and get distributed to sellers. These sellers make little lean-to store fronts and sell the clothes,usually in not so organized piles, for anything from 50¢ to 5$. Bargaining is not only permitted but encouraged.

Saturday, I was invited to experience a "vaky bol" - an opening of as new ball of frip. With my sitemaps, our counterpart, and another volunteer we walked briskly to the frippery that was opening. When we arrived we started making a plan - once the ball is open everyone grab a bundle of clothes and put good things over your shoulder and throw the not so good clothes back in the pile.

As the circle of women grew larger, the my nerves started to fester. These women meant business. It was like black Friday but much more confined. Finally, after what felt like an hour of waiting but was probably only 10 minutes, the woman who owned the ball declared it was time to open it up. The crowd of women circled in tight and pushed to get a good footing. With every snap of plastic the tension rose until finally a item of clothing escaped and arms went flying in to grab it. I abandoned the plan and stepped out of the circle and watched from a distance.

EH HEY! MIJAMA! ANDRASO! NO STOP IT! WAIT! Yelled the seller. The women settled down a bit but with each fall of cloth the grabbing for more fierce.  A man watching from the outside with me joked, ,"tsy mahay miady bol anao? You don't how to fight for the frip ball?"

Once my team got out of the circle with there piles of clothing we searched for patterns and styles we liked. After narrowing down our options we tried things on over our clothes. Unfortunately this ball was from China and all the sizes were very small, which made for funny pictures but not great purchases. I found one dress I liked. Got it for about 2$.

Safe to say next time I will wait until the ball is opened and picked through a bit next time I go shopping.

A New Normal

Blog Challenge Day #12
#Bloggingabroad

Written on 2/12/2016


My New Normal

“Miandry fa Gasy” We wait because we are Malagasy.

When I first heard this phrase, it was my second month at site (5th month total in Madagascar) and I was rolling my eyes at the phone store because I had been waiting for twenty minutes with my counterpart to get a new phone. My counterpart looked at me and said “I’m used to waiting. Miandry fa gasy.” I laughed and said I don’t think I will ever be used to waiting forever for something that usually only takes a few minutes.

I was wrong.

My patience today is similar to the patience I would assume Buddhist priests have. I could wait for hours for something that takes five minutes to produce. I count on waiting, I plan waiting into my day. Waiting has become a part of my everyday life.

This coming from an American who would get frustrated if my Starbucks coffee was taking longer than 5 minutes..oh..how times have changed.

I first noticed this change when I went home for the holidays. My family and I were at a hotel in Chicago and it was taking a while for our name to be called to check in. My dad was getting frustrated and said he was going to go up and talk to the woman at the counter, “Dad, it’s only been like fourty minutes!,” I said. He and my brother looked at me like I was crazy. I thought about it, laughed and thought to myself, “Miandry fa gasy”

This new found patience has made me much more comfortable here in Madagascar. Instead of impatiently tapping my foot in a line, I stir up a small conversation. Waiting happens, waiting is a part of life. But that time waiting doesn’t have to be wasted time. You can make a new friend, learn a new word, ponder life and all its complexities...

It’s just waiting. Miandry fa gasy.

Training of Trainers (TOT)

Training of Trainers (TOT)

Written on 2/7/2016

This past week I experienced Training of Trainers for the first time. The next group of Trainees are coming in next week and I will be one of the people at their training.

Over the last 6 or so months, few other volunteers and I have been working with Peace Corps staff here in Mada to introduce a Peer Support Network to our Peace Corps community. The goal being that volunteers create a community of support and that all volunteers feel included and supported in this community. It is still in development processes, but is on its way to becoming a part of training and then tangible thing in Mada. Its been wonderful to work on this project and I was so excited to be a part of this training and see this network take its first baby steps to becoming a part of Peace Corps Madagascar.

It was a interesting experience as I was the only English Educator at the training, all of the other PCVs were either Community Health Advisers or Agriculture Advisers (the new words for our volunteer positions as "volunteer" doesn't accurately represent our work here in Mada). I learned later in the week that I was the first Education volunteer at a Health and Agriculture TOT. This meant I spent most of the week learning new agriculture techniques and discovering more of what the other sectors do - an enlightening experience. I am basically a SRI (a rice farming technique) expert now!

I also expanded my knowledge of coaching techniques from my time working with Housing and Residential Life at UMN and the Rothenburger Institute and worked on my facilitation skills. The best part, though, was getting to know the Host Country National (Malagasy) staff a little better. Some of the Agriculture and Health staff I had never met so it was great to get to know them and start a cross-sector dialogue.

My roll in the training of trainers was still a bit fuzzy, as we were creating the role of Peer Support and Inclusion in training while we were there. So basically I was creating my purpose and working on fulfilling that purpose at the same time. That left for some frustration, but it was great to be a little bit of a path maker for Peer Support PCVs to come!

It was a great week and I learned a lot! I am excited to meet the new Trainees in March and introduce the Peer Support and Inclusion idea to them. Hopefully, they'll feel connected and supported!

And I ended the week taking the GRE (Graduate Readiness Exam). I'll see how that went in about 6 weeks...but it felt like it went pretty well! 

Meeting the PC Director, Carrie.

Meeting Director Carrie

written on 1/29/2015

Since I've been back from the states, its been a bit of a whirlwind.

Mostly because I had the honor and privilege to meet with the Director of Peace Corps (International) and present to her an example of what Education Volunteers do in Madagascar.

When I was first asked...actually, looking back I was more or less told that I would be presenting to the Director...I was thrilled. What an amazing opportunity to meet the head of the organization I work for. My next feeling was nerves. I was presenting the biggest project I had done here in Madagascar - the Teacher Training I had worked on with my community in the fall - and I was one of 5 volunteers to meet her representing all of the Education volunteers in Madagascar. Also, I was a million miles away celebrating the holidays at home and was wondering if I'd have time to prepare.

But, prepare I did. That meaning I found a new romper on sale at Kohls and bought it to wear for my presentation. And that was about it.

The days before Director Carrie's arrival it was a madhouse in the Peace Corps Office, and a mad house in my brain, for that matter. So many preparations to be made! So much cleaning and polishing! The volunteer I was presenting with and I got together to plan our presentation. We picked out pictures and tried our best to intertwine our two teacher training experiences into one cohesive statement about how Teacher Trainings are a great way to make sustainable change for Education volunteers.

We pre-presented it to our Education head and other volunteers, tweaked some parts..and then..the day was here.

The presentation went well, I only accidentally spoke Malagasy instead of English a few times, AND THE DIRECTOR (or probably the Director's assistant) EVEN TWEETED ABOUT MY PRESENTATION! It was so wonderful to have the opportunity to meet her, but even greater to hear her talk about why she loves Peace Corps and her job and remind me that, I too, am great. It's always nice to hear that you're doing a good job at work and that you are doing what your organization wants...and its especially nice when the director of your organization says so...and she did!

The next day, however, I was terribly ill with some kind of day cold/flu situation and spent the night battling a fever. The next morning (great timing) the director was suppose to come visit the Peace Corps house..where I (and two other volunteers who had become ill) were basically lumps on the couches. I decided I would hide in the med unit and see the doctor during her visit. So, naturally she visited the med office and ran into my sad, sick self.

So, thank goodness my first impression was good because my second impression (although probably a more realistic representation of how I look everyday) was not the best.

She, none-the-less, was warm and cheery and wished us all to get better soon.

To sum up - I met the director of Peace Corps and it was beautiful and inspiring and I can continue on with the last 7 months of my service now.

OH, and FYI, I am feeling much better!

Christmas Vacation in USA!

Christmas Vacation and back again!

1/14/2016

Being back for Christmas vacation was well needed time with my family. It gave me the opportunity to breathe a sigh of relief that everyone was doing okay. To get the hugs I so needed, to see the smiling faces of the people I love. It was a wonderful Christmas present to be able to come home and see everyone, and I am so grateful my father brought me home.

So far, being back in Mada has been a little more difficult than I had anticipated. I was hoping to come back refreshed and ready for the next 8 months of my service, but instead - for the first few days - I had an overwhelming feeling of longing to be back with my family. Life here, although its simpler in some aspects, is much more challenging on a daily level. I struggle daily to express myself, and often have to hold in how I feel. No one here really knows - or talks about - the passing of my mother and some days its difficult to put a brave face on and continue my work.

Its been a year of bravery and pushing through and its been exhausting! And I know it will be a similar fight for the last months of my service. Its safe to say I had a little breakdown when I returned to site - wanting too badly to already be finished with my service so I can be in the comfort of my family again.

Fortunately, I can report that my attitude has been adjusted and I feel prepared for the next 8 months. I am sure some days I'll want to go home again, and some days I'll be perfectly content where I am. But I know that the time will travel more quickly if I'm busy living and working and happy here than if I am sitting alone in my house sadly counting the days until I am finished with my service.

Looking back at the past year I know I have done great things - and I know I can continue accomplish things with my community in the months to come. Time will fly, but time will only fly if I am enjoying my time. So thats what I must focus on doing. Living each day with a purpose and continuing happily on my service until its completion.